


three o'clock in the morning

by agotdamnclown



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: ADHD Character, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Insomnia, One Shot, Overthinking, Self-Esteem Issues, leo honey im so sorry, no beta we die like men, no i promise his family doesn't hate him, we just overthink a lot. no matter how stupid we know we sound. also anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agotdamnclown/pseuds/agotdamnclown
Summary: It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he can’t sleep because his pops had barely trusted him.--a brain that overthinks and rejection do not mix well.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 313





	three o'clock in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE OTHER STUFF TO BE WORKING ON but then i thought of this and said "hm. no"
> 
> this is all based off of my personal experiences and thoughts (despite the fact that i don't have an official adhd diagnosis lol)

It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he can’t sleep because his pops had barely trusted him.

You wouldn’t have to tell Leo outright for him to know that this is _stupid._ Because it’s the third time in one week he’s been kept up at night by his warped thoughts, and he knows it’s for a _stupid_ reason. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ He wants to take a jackhammer to his brain until it finally gets the message and quits what it’s always been doing, but of course it isn’t that simple. He’s only the face man, the guy who cracks jokes and mocks villains, but _he_ isn’t _stupid._

It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he can only think of how likely it was that _none_ of them trusted him.

It was weird. He wasn’t so… _upset_ about it at first - hell, he had barely even cared when his dad constantly vocalized his distrust, even after his slight outburst in the Nexus. Perhaps all the adrenaline wouldn’t allow his brain to slow down and actually, really _think._ Leo was glad for that - he couldn’t have afforded to stop and get emotional. But now that the whole thing was wearing off, after three days straight of beatings and battles, he lay in his dark room - lit up with nothing but his too bright phone screen - and thinks.

It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he wonders why no one trusted him.

It’s a _stupid_ question. He knows why, of _course_ he does. _Stupid_ decisions in the past mixed with his tendency to take things with a mask of carelessness and arrogance meant it was inevitable that his family would hardly trust him to do anything _too_ important. He knew this, of course, and had already accepted it. His _stupid_ brain didn’t, however, and frankly it was becoming tiring. He was tired of putting energy that could go into _anything else_ into displaying some… arrogant, prideful, laid-back mask for a turtle who was anything but. He was tired of his brain taking simple throwaway comments and warping them into piles of self-doubt and nagging thoughts of _did they really mean that? oh god they did they must hate him. why do they hate him? he must have done something wrong. terrible. he’s terrible, the_ worst. He was tired of his heart painfully tightening past the point of suffocation whenever his brothers made an offhanded joke about something _stupid_ he did in the past, of jokingly calling him “their Champion” with sarcasm dripping from their voices. It was _stupid._ He deserved that, though. He was just selfish, wasn’t he? Selfish, arrogant, putting his own desire for _any kind of praise_ above his family’s safety, for a _stupid_ photo on a _stupid_ wall. _Stupid._

It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he’s furiously digging the heels of his palm into his eyes, jaw aching from the pressure of stifling a sob. _Stupid._

They don’t just distrust him. They _hate_ him. Of course, why wouldn’t they? He deserves it. He deserves all of their anger. He doesn’t deserve to feel sad about it. It’s his fault. All his fault.

It’s three o’clock in the morning and he feels _stupid._


End file.
